Happy Halloween, Moms!!
You know what scares the shit out of us? Hand making our kids’ costumes for months and then letting them eat candy for weeks. So what’s a mom to do? Call in the switch witch (the WHAT!)? Order some costumes on amazon? Skip the whole thing ? This week we discuss the lengths that we will go to ruin the fun on Halloween, and Sarah makes her husband an autumnal salad. A what ?
Moms, we know you planned to feed them organically, limit screen time, set clear and kind boundaries and never ever have sex with them in your bed. So, how’s that all working out for you? This week, it’s about the things we said we would never do as parents – but somehow we are out here-doing them. #Nursing&Inserting
Names are just like assholes. Everyone has one (Actually babies are just like assholes too, but that’s another ep).
How did you pick your baby’s name? Was it a name you have been sitting on since grade school, just waiting and waiting to use on your very own real life Baby Alive ? Or did you use a family name? Or a baby name book? Or an app?! Or did you steal it from a friend (it’s ok, we won’t tell). And did your partner have a say, or nah? This ep we talk about what goes into naming your newborn. But for real, it’s never ok to joke about a baby’s name, Roger that?
Your 3 year old is lying on the floor screaming his head off for no/every reason. Do you gently encourage him, “Sweetie, use your words!” or do you hold his chin just a teeny bit too hard and hiss, “Knock it off before I really give you something to cry about?!”” Well, that all depends who is watching, of course!! This episode is all about parenting in public vs parenting in private.
You guys!!! Know what’s harder than labor, newborns, bloody nipples, no sleep, or life with two kids!?!? Getting a mom on the mic just a few weeks after having her second baby. But we did it!!! Listen in as molly tells us all about that late labor and answers the most pressing question we have: Did she have sex to get that baby out!?!?!? WELL MOLLY, DID YOU!?!
Yay molly had a baby! He’s 3 years old now and loves the ninja turtles, face painting, and eating spaghetti.
That’s because at 41+ weeks pregnant, Molly’s last baby is *still* her oldest son. WTF baby, where you at?!? This EP we catch up with molly and talk about the mental and physical pressure of going past your due date as your family and friends balance the demands of the real world while being on call for your (late) labor. Plus molly tells us what “electro leg” is and we decide if she should have sex to get the baby out. Well, should she!?!
Did baby Jesus sleep through the night!? Just wondering over here as we try to manage school holiday parties, kids high on candy canes, visiting family, Amazon prime, wrapping catastrophes, lies about Santa, and OMG that f*cking elf. And is Molly gonna have a Christmas baby!?!?
Ahhh, the holidaze. We’re here for you mama. Call us the 5 wise women bringing gifts of wine. And wine. And CHEER!
Admit it mom, no matter what you tell yourself, you didn’t just “run in real quick,” for a 500-pack of 7th gen diapers, soap, the latest Nate Berkus wall tapestry, your kid’s prescription from the pharmacy, or even a latte. No mom, you needed a sweet fix of the kind of sanity and salvation that for some reason can only be found at Target. Listen in as we discuss how Target went from being a store to Safe Space. 🎯🙌🏼
Sex during pregnancy…who, when, how, and why. Mostly why. Like WHY.
Were you a luscious fertile earth mother ready to go all night or were you out of commission and letting your pubes grow to your knees. Or a combo? Whatever your style was, we got you covered.
What’s your favorite part about Back to School? The million dollar school supply list? The emotional trauma of dropping off a kid who’s devastated to be there? The Google doc of play dates, parties, sports, and activities? The waking up in the dark to pack a lunch that will come home UNTOUCHED, the passive aggressive PTA emails, or the lice? Wasn’t Back to School supposed to mean twinkies on the couch and General Hospital!?! Listen to this episode in the doctors office while your pediatrician runs that strep test….(spoiler alert: it’s positive)
Being a mother can feel like being cluelessly lost in the wilderness with no way out and no one to help you. Usually this is a metaphor. But for one of our hosts it was recently a literal reality. Join us for a very special episode and hear how one of us coped when a 3 mile family walk (without daddy) turned into an overnight emergency. Mom, what would you do if a regular day turned into a fucking SOS 🚨🚨🚨🚨?
Welcome to the second installment of our birth story series! In this episode, Chrissy starts having contractions and hits LA rush hour for the hospital while screaming the whole way at her husband about how messy the car is because: LABOR. Our sweet story starts where every baby story starts…with diareahh. Grab the wet wipes n and the wine and listen up.
Happy Mothers Day you guys!!! What kind of day are you planning to tell your partner to surprise you with this year!? Did you order a gift for yourself? Help your kids make you a card?! Or are you leaving it all to your baby daddy and kids to fuck up? This episode we chat about our hopes and dreams for Mother’s Day. Thank you for listening Mamas, We ❤️You.
Kate’s Homebirthstagram was perfect: it all happened in the Willow filter, Kate’s hair was in a perfectly messy bun, her skin glistened and glowed, and her baby slipped blissfully and effortlessly into the arms of her burly husband who was wading shirtless through the birthing pool like a merman. Turns out Sarah was there and remembers it a little differently…..listen up for the first in our birth story series.
Bad kids, bad kids, whatcha gonna do, whatcha gonna do when mama comes for you? This week we talk discipline. Why is it so hard to get these damn kids in line!? Ali shares an ingenious method for keeping the peace in paradise….listen up and join us for the #checkmarkchallenge (it’s not what you think).
Didn’t I just give you dinner yesterday?!!?
Do you dread meal-planning, food-budgeting, grocery-shopping, cooking, and cleanup and wish you could just just feed your kids from a trough of goldfish and cheerios? Then this is the ep for you. Or do you #foodstagram your#easy #healthful meals and get off on watching your kid eat broccoli? Either way listen and judge along because this ep is all about FOOD.
You know you’re a mom when ‘roid rage refers to those hemorrhoids you got in month 8 that never really went away. Cool. This ep we talk about how our postpartum bodies are hashtag strong and hashtag beautiful, but let’s face it: hashtag fuct.
Hey moms, did you know that you used up all your sick days before your baby showed up? No calling out now! So what happens when mom goes down? When she has the flu, or she’s hungover, or she’s pregnant again, or she (oh shit!) breaks her shoulder?? Then what? I guess dad just does everything and she sleeps til she’s better? Uhhh….yeah….Listen to what happens when mom.goes.down (hint: SOS).
Better than chocolate, sex, money, or even wine. Yes, it’s S L E E P. What lengths did you go to get some zzz’s after your baby was born?? Did you follow the book, your heart, or something in between? This week we discuss what worked and what didn’t. Mostly what didn’t, because nothing worked. RIP ZZZ’s.
It’s gluten free, grain free, dairy free, organic and paleo AF. But girl, you gonna EAT that!?!!? I am talking about your PLACENTA. Womb to table. In this ep we chat about what we did and didn’t do with ours….
Remember how 6 weeks after you had your your baby you were healed, rested, gorgeous, feeling sexy as hell and ready to get laid all night long? UM. NO. So WTF is with the doc telling you and your man that you can go all the way at 6 weeks?? What a dick. Listen up as we talk sex after childbirth.
Listen in as we discuss the ultimate horror movie: Babies on a Plane. Who let all these mother*ckin babies on this mother plane?!? How is a mom supposed to cope with flying with her kids? iPad? Candy? Benadryl? BEER!?!?
You know how you catch TLC’s Waterfalls on the radio and you’re instantly beamed back to rocking out in the car at the top of your lungs without a care in the world? (RIGHT?!?). Well…what takes you back to your first days as a mom? Your first exhausted, insane, body-busted, days with your baby. Listen in as we discuss the triggers that set off our post-birth PTSD: Paging Dr. Carter: this one is weird!
Mommy Brain should be the ultimate compliment. Why? Because moms are busy as shit, tired as shit, and taking care of mad shit. Sadly Mommy Brain doesn’t equal a free ride to Harvard. It equals you lost your keys, forgot your wallet, fell asleep at work, and wait, where’s that baby?!???
So if you know where babies come from, then you know how to get one and how to um…not get one. Right? Wrong. Listen up as we discuss how and when we first became moms. For some of us it was too easy. For some, too hard. And for some….juuuuust right (so right that maybe she planned it to the last lace detail). Warning: if you thought it was the stork, this episode is NOT for you.
How do you prioritize your relationships? Who comes first, baby? Or baby daddy? Well obviously the one who is crying the loudest and needs you the most! So wait, who comes first?!?? Listen in as we discuss our post partum relationship priorities. Spoiler: sleep is the new sex.
Baes, if you’re a mom, you already know You’re Doing It All Wrong. Not only are you hashtag blessed, but you’re also probably hashtag guilt tripping 24×7. Are you spending enough time with your kids, feeding them vegetables, helping them become responsible citizens of the world, or just totally spacing out, letting them watch hours of TV, eat chemicals (yum!),and forgetting to snap their stroller harness??? Find out how we’re doing and dealing with Mom Guilt.
We love to peep our friends’ sweet kids on social media, but let’s get real: some moms need to shut the blog up. From lighting, to posing, to content there are some mommy blogs that just make us feel like a ripe diaper. Oh your kid loves to read silently and serenely on a white blanket, pausing only to say “I love you mommy.” ? THATS COOL, YOU LIAR. Listen to us discuss (and admit to) the biggest mom blog #noshedidnts.
We discuss the most important part of your birth plan: your pubes. Sure, your doula was on speed dial, your play list was on fleek, and your meditative breathing was ready to go out the *explicative* window, but mom, how did you prep your pubes? Don’t lie, you sweated the hair show. So did we.
How did you feel about your partner immediately after bringing that baby into the world? Did you look at him with fresh love or deep, scary, sleep deprived rage? Listen to our tales of post-partum husband hatred, one of the most important mommy milestones. Don’t worry, all the husbands survived to live another day, and in some cases, even make another baby.